Growing up

I am nineteen years old. I'll be twenty in a month and a half.
Developmentally I've always felt a little bit ahead, even as a child, whether that is an illusion of my ego or just the truth.
Over the past several months, I feel like I have grown an incredible amount, the amount that some people spend over years. My most trusted mentor at Sonoma sat across from me yesterday and ran over the ways I've changed just since the past semester. It was weird looking back with her to the time I was a freshman to now. I could have lived five or six years in that time.
In particular, the time over the past six months has been difficult and testing of me in every way imaginable. I have gotten through things with the support of family and friends and mentors like Julie, but most of my strength came from a source within that has always been there.

I think back to even a few months ago, when even the slightest obstacle or event in my day could irritate me on command. This isn't so anymore, because there is no point in looking at the world this way other than to make myself miserable. It sounds simple to just look at the world in a positive light, but it is much more easily said than done. The person who told me this ended up hurting me more than anyone ever has, and I still live by it. But she couldn't have taught me anything if I wasn't ready to discover it by myself, and I have. I can't help but be thankful for the entire experience, even the agony, because who knows how long it would have taken me to learn some things if she had never been there? Even today I was with a friend who was rushing me, which feels like something I would have done months ago. But in the end, things are going to take as long as they are meant to take, and if we try to rush through them the universe will just put an obstacle in front of us to keep us waiting. T.I.M.E is "this I must enjoy," not "this I must endure." For every person who cuts in front of me there are going to be two to cut in front of them. I remind myself constantly that this applies to the process of forgiveness, which sometimes takes more time than I would like it to, but it is what it is and rushing forgiveness only makes it more difficult and not genuine.

I am ultimately my source for everything. Sure, people can point me in the right direction of something, even a simple resource, but it is up to me as to whether or not I want to or am ready to pursue my own personal growth. It hasn't been an easy task, but I feel a lot happier now. I've grown so much I don't even recognize myself half the time; some parts of myself I laugh at and others I am surprised by constantly. Who is this new person?

The new person is confident, strong, and independent. Michal's here!